Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Where you been Bean?


Well nowhere interesting. I have just been busy with work and life. It takes an incredible amount of energy to run the world, you know!

So I don’t even know what I want to talk about here. I will start by publicly welcoming my best girl Kim to Blog land. Kim and I have been friends since we were about 17. She is my bestest friend and the standard to which I hold all other friends too. Sadly most fail the test. (Not you guys though LOL!) Check Kim out over here.

So in other Bean news. Work has been crazy, but things have settled down significantly in the drama fest that had been going on. Or it could be that I just stopped caring. Either way I am not dreading going to work.

I am seriously considering trading in my Zippy 2000 model of brain for something a little less busy, or maybe just having an elective frontal lobotomy. I am so tired of super analysing everyone’s actions, words and behaviour to the point where I have created a whole new scenario that is entirely fictional. I am so sick of being wronged… not truly wronged, but the Zippy 2000’s magical methods of pent up aggression and fabricating wrongs. If I could just turn off the Zippy for a few minutes and stepped back and looked at things I would realize that ‘hey things are good, really good’. How was that for a nice segue in the neighbour story…

I am having a hard time with my neighbour. She is an excellent neighbour but unfortunately for her I am not a good neighbour or friend. I am opinionated, have too high of standards and I bottle things up. And when I have bottled things up to the point where I am really mad and everything you do is now a personal slight or attack, I am bound to blow. Well this happened last night with her daughter and I just feel stupid about it because when I backed away from the situation… that usually follows the outburst… I realized that it is not a one way street and she does as much for me as I do for her as evidenced by the beautiful garden she planted for me and a lot of other things as well. I just don’t know how to be a friend, to someone who is not Kim, but I need to learn, because Kim lives four hours away and we both have busy lives that leave little time for phone calls and friend stuff. It is funny though every time I open my bible these days I am reminded of the great commission – to love one another as God has loved us. This is hard. My job is to love and yesterday, I should have been fired, thank God for forgiveness, not only from my gracious neighbour who accepted my apology, her daughter, who also accepted my apology, and from God, who always give second chances and third, and fourth etc... What I need to work on and understand is why I expect everyone to act the way I would in situations and then get mad when that don’t have a clue about my high expectations and yet I could never be so bold as to tell people what I expect so it is a vicious circle.

So the big camping adventure starts this weekend, and it should be interesting to say the least. What with the brrrrrr chilly nights and the sleeping on the ground, oh yeah no running water or electricity, should be most excellent. And here is my mantra for the summer. Repeat 100 times until it is truth, “it is good for the kids”!

Oh by the way, I have not continued to smoke. My last cigarette was on May 28th. Thanks to God for his help in this matter!

It was interesting this morning I had my first semblance of a ‘maybe you should try to jump back on the diet bandwagon’ thought but then I took a deep breath and firmly squashed that thought! I am not ready, I am not sure if I ever will be.

Well for someone who had nothing to say, I have certainly found some words.

Take care my friends,

Bean

3 Comments:

Blogger Lori said...

Glad you are back!

12:44 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Hey Bean!! It's good to see you back at it again! And congrats on being several days smoke free! Good for you!!!!

7:54 PM  
Blogger snackiepoo said...

YAY ON THE SMOKING!!! I quit a year and a half ago and feel so much better!

5:39 AM  

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