Friday, June 23, 2006

A graduation of a different sort.

So yesterday I was off for a grand celebration of kindergarten graduation. I was a lovely occasion and my L’il Boy Bean is heading off to the wild and woolly world of Grade 1. At first I was a little confused as to why one would need to graduation from Kindergarten, but it was fun and fabulous and a real special time for the kids.

I am having some issues with how grown up my kids are getting. It is passing by so quickly. Sometimes I get caught in a rut of wishing it all away, so I would have more time for my own selfish pursuits and desires, but lately I just see it fleeing out of my grasp and I cherish every kiss, every hug and every conversation that I have with them.

So in other news. Oh yeah there is no other news. Same old…same old. Oh I got that job I mentioned in the last post, but what I can’t figure out (ok yes there are a lot of things I can’t figure out) but why was I disappointed to come in fourth? There were five positions so I wasn’t even last but it kind of made it less satisfying to me, and I was questioning if I really wanted the job. What is it about me that makes it so important that people love me and love me the best? This is odd and frankly quite annoying. I just wish I could be confident in all the things I do instead of feeling like I am continually pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes and if I don’t consistently try to be the funniest, or the nicest, or the most self sacrificial that they will catch on to me and not like me. And then what? Really if people don’t like me what is the harm? I’d be a lot more relaxed for sure if I wasn’t constantly striving for affection, or trying to prove to people why I deserve my job, family or any of the other things that are in my life that don’t suck. And if there is something in my life that does suck, then why is it my fault and how come the logical answer is that I did something to deserve it. This is sick and twisted behaviour. I need help!

I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way but man it is tiring. I would like some freedom from it.

Oh I have to tell you about these treats that were made for the graduation event.
You take a miniature peanut butter cup and place a dollop of peanut butter on the narrow end. You then place a chocolate covered graham cookie on the top and using a fruit roll-up in the school colours, you cut a tassel and place it on top – yummy graduation caps! It was too cool!

Now hold on to your hats – I have an announcement to make. I am joining AFW’s (see top link under Daily Inspiration to your left)12 week challenge. I have decided that I am going to do a South Beach type of thing. So I will be updating here once a week under a challenge title. Goal is at least 20 lbs in 12 weeks. I will weigh tomorrow and post here. That is something I am not looking forward to as I have been avoiding the scale like it is diseased. Ignorance in bliss but it is finally time to stop and smell the roses! Wish me luck!

Bean Bean fo fean, banana fanana fo fean, fe fi fo fean BEAN!


Blogger snackiepoo said...

Congrats to Lil Boy Bean!

I've shockingly joined too; I cannot believe it is a committment!

2:42 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Congratulations to the little bean! They grow up sooooo fast!

I'm glad that you are joining the challenge! I did too. I'm excited and scared about it, but I think it is going to be a good thing for all of us!

5:24 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Sounds like an adorable graduation:)

Good luck on the challenge! I will be excited to follow your progress:)

6:32 PM  
Blogger LC in Sunny So Cal said...

Hi! I'm also in the challenge, and wanted to touch base and tell you that we CAN do this!

Have a great weekend, and think healthy thoughts... :)

12:30 PM  
Blogger Rabbit said...

Bean, you area wonderful person and I know this because I see the real you. I know I see the real you because I can tell when you're faking it. Be proud of who you are. You have been through a lot in you life let alone the past few years and you deserve every good thing that comes your way. If you were 4th on the list for the new job, so what, its better than being 6th. People like you because your funny, you are bean, bean the dancin' machine and you're kind, thoughtful and all the other things that go into making a good person. If you still have doubts look at your kids. Do you think they are turning out the way they are through magic? NO! It is you doing that. I love you and will talk more to you when I call you later. Good luck on the 12 week challenge. I know you can do it. You have proven many times before that when you make up your mind and set out to do something you will do it.

8:06 AM  

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