Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Under the knife?


Well, here I am. 35 million came and 35 million went, so your stuck with me! Wahahahahah (that’s and evil laugh for all of you that are not plugged into my mind)

Things are moving along. It amazes me sometimes, I had to write a cheque this morning for Lil Bean’s school activity and as I was counting out the months on my fingers I was amazed that we were in the 5th month. Man this year is almost halfway gone. Where does the time go?

Man I’ve realized that I am quite boring, but here is a little story for all you faithful that tune in.

So a package came for me yesterday from a Doctor in the US. As my most darling is home all day (between driving that big sexy yellow bus) he of course intercepted it.

DH : so what was that that came in the mail?
Bean: Nutin
DH: Oh come on now!
Bean: exaggerating gesture towards the girls..
DH : You can get that done in Canada!
Bean : in head – man there is no fooling this guy…
Bean : It is a weight loss Doctor that can do a revision on my operation
DH: shocked look and walks away
Bean: I’m just exploring my options
DH : Go back to Weight Watchers
Bean: It’s not working
DH : You were thinnest you have ever been when you were walking and going to Weight Watchers and then you stopped…
Bean : In head – story of my life and it wasn’t thin enough!
Bean : I’m going to try something else and give it a real effort, but if it doesn’t work and I can’t get past the 240 barrier than we will discuss it in a year. Okay?
DH : I just want you to be happy.

Happy. What is going to make me happy a quick fix with maybe lasting results, or a long struggle that will be a permanent fix, a fix that figures out why I eat and doesn’t try to control the food but controls the spirit? The lazy Bean says get on the bus and get the operation. The sensible Bean says “Enough is enough.” I am so sick of fighting this. I am sick of diet books. I am sick of counting points or calories for everything that goes in my mouth. I am sick of feeling like a lesser person because I am overweight. I am sick of blaming food for all my problems. I am sick of the rejection and hurts that being overweight cause.

Wow I am one sick puppy eh?

Part of me wishes this was my decision alone, because there would be no question. I would get the operation, risks be damned, but I can’t. The Bean family unit needs me. A healthy me. So I need to get off my duff, get over my anger and my hurt and get on the path to recovery. This should be fun (and no that is NOT sarcasm you detect, okay maybe a little!).

Well that’s all folks, thanks for tuning in. Better days ahead? You bet.

Bean

1 Comments:

Blogger Lori said...

Hi there!
Ok maybe I need a little clarification here. When did you first have WLS and how much did you lose? Then, how much did you gain back? What do you think might change this time if you get the surgery tweaked?

2:32 PM  

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