Tuesday, April 25, 2006

A quickie


Hello all, not much to report. I am going to my last WW meeting tomorrow and I am walking away with my head held high. I came I tried and I realized that this is not for me. If I could have seen some real results from the women I have been involved with in this group, but there is just something holding us all back and no one is having the success we should be having. There is a real lack of motivation and it is turning into a confessional about how we cheated than how we are overcoming our issues. When I bring up my questions about “not what but why’ it is just kind of poo poo’d and I am told to stick to my points.

Points don’t matter when I am sneaking out at night to go to the bulk barn to buy candy that I hide. Points do matter when I eat so much I throw up and then head right back to the fridge. I need healing, I need to fill the hole in my heart and not the hole in my stomach. I need to finally be free of this.

I’ve been all over my own personal blogsphere today dropping encouraging words and being so proud of the strong and beautiful women I associate with, and the whole time I am wishing I could encourage and love myself enough to just do this.

I am working on forgiveness issues with my counsellor and the person I am having the biggest problem forgiving is myself. Thank God for his capacity for forgiveness, but how can I apply that to my life. It is easy to forgive mean gym teachers and boys who treated me bad, I wasn’t responsible for their actions, but I am responsible for my own and how can I possibly forgive myself?

Wow, guess some things just need to get out.

There you have it. Light and frothy as always.

Bean

3 Comments:

Blogger Anna said...

About forgiving yourself. I once heard someone say that if we don't forgive ourselves, we are in a way saying we are better than Jesus Christ. Sorry, but NO ONE is better than Jesus Christ.

He atoned for all of us. -- you, me, and everyone else who lives, lived and will live on this planet. Trust in Him. There is nothing he can't help us with. He's been through it before so he can help us through it now.

We need to *give it* to Christ. Easier said than done, I know. But it's essential to our progress. Remember what it says in Proverbs 55:22 "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee ..."

((hugs))

6:52 AM  
Blogger ~Les said...

I've heard that too, Anna. If we can be forgiven by the Almighty, then we should also forgive ourselves. Yes, it's easy to say, and in theory, it sounds really easy to do. But, I understand how you're feeling and it's not that easy to forgive yourself.

I do want you to know that you are a very special, beautiful, capable person, Bean. You deserve to be healthy and vibrant. So, continue to work on those forgiveness issues. You'll work it out in time, and I know you'll come out of it all a better, stronger person.

Take care,
~Les

7:05 AM  
Blogger dinah34 said...

i think you've hit the nail on the head. weight watchers and other diet programs don't address the 'why' they only address the 'how'. stick to your points and you'll lose weight, but they don't help us to understand why we are binging and gorging and why we are breaking ourselves apart on the inside and the outside.

my prayers are with you during this tough time. i hope the Lord can see you through this and that the answers he gives you are visible and discernable to you.

:)

3:15 PM  

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