Tuesday, February 21, 2006

New Beginnings

Well here we go.... I feel like Daniel Cook with all the red haired enthusiasm in the world. Weight Watchers at Work starts tomorrow. I am not sure how I feel about this. I really want to lose the 20 lbs that I have put on since doing away with the evil weed.

Why?

1. My pants don't fit anymore.
2. I don’t like the scale climbing in the wrong direction.
3. I have come to far to go back now
4. I don't want to be fat anymore.
5. I need some discipline in my life.

So counting points and having success. I can do this. My mini goal for this 10 week session is 15 lbs. I can do it. I will do it.

I have recruited my work friend to police me. I am thinking of creating a sign around my neck that says - Don't feed the Bean!

What is a girl to do? Well I can count points, get some exercise and just lose the weight. I am addicted to sugar. To assist my efforts this time I will be limiting the amount of sugar eaten. I will not eat between meals (unless necessary - I sometimes get shaky at 11:30) or after dinner. Just hot tea. I will get up 1/2 hour earlier and exercise. Either the ball or the bike or when it gets warmer I will walk.

Oh yes the water. I will attempt to drink 2 litres of water a day!

I sure am good at saying the right things. When will I ever resolve with myself to not only say but do. I guess if I have to hang on with white knuckle determination I will get through the first while and then maybe, just maybe, I will get into a routine and will get my act together. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit.

I quit smoking. I can diet. I want this. I want at least once to feel what it feels like to be under 200 lbs, and then I want to feel what it is like to be a normal weight. I know I will never be normal, I have done too much damage to my body for that to ever happen. I am all saggy and stretchy and scarred from my weight loss surgery.

Why couldn't my WLS surgery have worked like it was supposed to. Why did I never achieve an ideal weight. Why did I risk my life to still be morbidly obese? And still it is up to me. Where is the weakness in me that allows me to remain in a perpetual state of unhappiness. I guess the question is ....
What am I gaining by remaining overweight, because I must be getting some kind of psychological reward, because who would choose to remain this way, without a reward.

Well very moody and bleak... sorry, Hopefully as I lose and am overjoyed by the losses I will experience, the tone will change and by this time next year.... I will be under 200 lbs, and feeling fine. Oh 199 you are so close (about 60 pounds away) and yet you allude me. I will get you I will do this and as Gloria Gainer would say I will survive!

If it is meant to be it is up to me!

With sporadic updates to follow!

Bean

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