Friday, January 20, 2006

I can’t shake this rain cloud…

Ever feel like one of those cartoon character with a little rain cloud directly over your head? Well that is me. I know I have complained about my work here numerous times, but come on folks this is bordering on ridiculous. My supervisor is a complete failure at his job. We have been back to work for 14 days in January, and he has been here for six. What is up with that? He tries to import members for other departments to do our work instead of asking if anyone has some cycles… Note the Bean blogging at work… Hello!

This work place is so poisoned. I would just like to get through one day without losing my mind or breaking down into tears. I know the logical thing to do would be to seek other employment. Unfortunately I work at the best gig in town. SO unless I consider moving back to the big city, I am stuck. I just wish DH would get his act together and start making real money so that I could waitress or do something else. Not that I would but it would be sure nice to have the option. I know in a earlier post I refer to thanking the upper deities every day for my job and this is still true, thanking them for providing the largish pay check and the fact that I don’t need to suffer physically to get it. I wish I had it in me to just smile and wave and take it all in stride but I wear my heart on my sleeve and it is easily wounded there. If I didn’t suffer from so much insecurity and loneliness I could probably do it. I take everything as a reflection on how people perceive me (incompetent, unable, stupid) as opposed to the problem (gross mismanagement and incapable or unwilling supervisor). I wish I could just get it together. As Hill suggests in her Blog maybe it is time to seek some professional help. We have EAP at work and maybe I will take advantage of it. They only give you 6 sessions a year though and I seriously question how much can be achieved. But I must do something or a Section 8 is calling my name.

Another thing to consider is maybe I just need something else to focus on and if I could get excited about the South Beach Diet and get off my butt and start then perhaps I wouldn’t be so focused on the negativity at work but instead focused on self improvement I am having a hell of a time getting across that mental block/bridge. I read the book before bed and yet start the day off eating shite. What’s up with that? I will get it together if I could stop making grocery excuses. Lets see what Monday brings. Maybe I will just commit to journaling my food to start with. I think I will do that here. Monday to Friday at least.

Well how’s that for a nice light positive post. Suck it up sistas… If I feel like poopoo I need a place to vent and here is as good as spewing it all over DH or Sympathetic Co-workers.

Crying Wilson Pickett tears.



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