Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Where oh where has my little bean gone?


Hello my patient and wonderful friends. I have been so busy with summer and my new job that I have been extremely negligent in my blogging duties, but rest assured I have missed you all very much.

So today to celebrate the return to normalcy, I am posting. I can’t promise that this will be a regular thing, but for today I will post. I sent the wee man off on the bus today to enter the everyday world of Grade 1. I am sad that summer has gone, and that the fun is over, but I am breathing a huge sigh of relief – I am a sucker for routine. Bedtimes that are observed, meals are eaten and somewhat on time, and there is not the continual quest for fun fun fun while you still can. Now it will be homework and cool fall nights and snugging in with the unit.

Well the meat diet didn’t last very long and the 12 week challenge bit the biscuit. But you know some things are more important that my weight. I am coming to this realization finally. Sure I want to be thinner, but it is not the focus of my life. I did have a few things happen with my son this summer that seared me to my heart, and made me wonder if maybe for his sake I should lose weight, but then I thought about it and realized I needed to work more on his manners and to teach him that words can hurt more than any weapon that could come against you. For a kid that is sensitive about his weight he has no problem slamming me about mine. Six year olds are smelly!

Church is good, I am seeking a new church home and I am relaxing about the whole thing. I realized that I was getting so worked up about the logistics that I was forgetting about the things that really matter like ‘be still and know that I am God’ and all the other groovy things that go along with being a believe like peace, love, direction and transformed lives.

I love my new job. It is fun and new and busy and exciting. The days fly by and except for minor annoyances like not having time to blog I am loving every minute of it.
I am feeling fulfilled and valuable in my job for the first time in a long time. It was a good move.

How you all doing!
Kat it is nice to be missed let me tell you. I will try to be more diligent with the posting.
Keep well and I am sure you will be hearing more from me soon!

Bean

Monday, July 24, 2006

Standing still while still moving forward…


Ok so posting Nekid Friday weigh-in on Monday, may tell you just how freak-a-licious this summer is turning out to be. Man, I love the busy, the absence of the TV and all the fun things that happen. I am almost afraid of the fall, and it is sneaking up way to fast. I hope things stay exciting and busy and as fun as they are now, but then reality sets in, DH will go back to work, Lil Boy Bean is in school 5 days a week, bedtimes will have to be observed, and so on.

So I stayed the same this week, 261. Now considering that I ate a bag of cookies on the weekend prior to the weigh-in, not too shabby.

This weekend has proven to be not much better. I went to the states I noticed the most magical thing. In every store whether shoes, clothes or entertainment, there is a candy stand. I was so excited to find my favourite candy Atomic Fire Balls, I pay .20 a piece for them here and I got a whole bag of them for 1.00 there. Americans, at least those in Upstate New York, love their candy. I think I have found my people.

I got a lot of great bargains. I am wearing the most fabulous pair of white sequined flip-flops today, along with some fabulous Old Navy togs. Yeah me. It was very fun and I think I need to go again. I would like to take DH next time.

I only ate one restaurant meal, but let me just say it is a good thing I don’t live in America, the prices were cheap and the portions were huge. Once again maybe this was just a Crackle Barrel phenomena but wow, dinner and a choice of three sides, not enough room on the table.

So I am back on track today. I am thinking two weeks on and one week off, is a good way to change things up and not let my body get too used to one way of eating, or maybe it is just an excuse to indulge in all my food I miss so much when I am low carbing.

So that’s all she wrote, I am on holidays next weekend, so I will try to post on Friday with the weigh-in.

I hope you are all keeping well and cool.

Bean – dancing to the magical tune that plays in my head

Friday, July 14, 2006

It is working…


Nekid Friday weigh-in was a success, 261 this morning. Now I have to admit I haven’t been a strict as I have been, but I am working it. I went to Old Navy and bought myself an outfit, (yes it will shrink with me.) I am feeling pretty positive about this and not making it too nutty on myself.

I have been thinking a lot lately about body image and clothes. I always hide my arms. I don’t like them, I never have, but this summer I am being a bit more liberated. They are out there. Nothing indecent but the occasional tank top has been known to grace my body. I am actually thinking of picking up a few more when I head over to the States next weekend for shopping with my gal pal. It occurred to me, who am I fooling, whether my arms are covered or not, is not going to change anything. I am still going to be fat whether I hide them or not, however, I am going to be cooler and not have the distinctive farmers tan, when I set them free. In my humble opinion, and apologies to all the sun avoiders, tanned fat looks much better than the glowing white stuff that I have.

My new job is challenging and fun. The people are all very nice and welcoming. It helps that I have worked in the building for four years and know most of them. They seem happy to have me aboard and it is proving to be a fun experience. This is the fastest week I have ever had in this building and I am hoping that time continues to pass quickly so I can leave and do the things that are really important like spend time with my delightful family. I have such a big love on for them all lately. Everything that Mini Bean does either makes me laugh or shake my head in exasperation, she is three. Lil’ boy Bean is a delight, how I ever managed to produce such an amazing child is beyond me. He is smart and funny and full of a real zest for life, learning and love. Partner Bean is a delight. I think we are in love. I have always loved him, but I am in love with him lately. He is rocking my world. (How 80’s was that saying that just flew out of my fingers? LOL!)

So I am heading out for an action packed weekend. Camping, a baby shower and listening to a pal play old country at a Legion. Should be good times. I hope the weekend doesn’t go by as fast as the week did.

Take care, stick with the challenge (all you AFW followers) and most of all be happy.

Bean, forgetting my name, as new information pushes out the old.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A quickie...


Hello my fellow bloggers. I thought I would do a quick update. I am liking my new job, but there is no time for internet madness, so I have been feeling neglectful of my blog duties. Things are moving along tickity boo. It is funny, I guess the old saying is true, be careful what you wish for. I was hoping to be busier at work and now I am thinking, Man this is busy! I barely got time to eat lunch yesterday. It is interesting though and I am going to learn a tremendous amount.

I am still plugging away on the weightloss front. I will post on Friday with my weigh in. Keep happy.

A special message to Rabbit. I love you and miss you. I hape all things are going well and that wee babay is growing and fine. I think of you everyday and wish you were closer. I know that I am blessed to have a friend such as yourself and I thank God that you are in my life. I can't wait for girls getaway! Busy lives keep us from hanging, but my busy mind always has a thought or two about you everyday. Luv you. Please give a shout out to boy rabbit and roo for me.

Talk to you all on Friday.

Bean, summer loving, makes me feel fine.

Friday, July 07, 2006

The power of meat…


So nekid weigh in this morning proved promising for the meat diet. I have been a faithful Atkineer for 3 days and the scale showed a promising 263.5 this morning. Down 10.5 lbs since I started the AFW challenge. I even got on twice because I couldn’t believe the number. Now I am well aware that new poundage recently acquired is easier to send on its way as opposed to the pounds that have gotten comfortable in their deluxe accommodations with spacious rooms, excellent view and, until recently, 12 square carb filled meals a day.

In other news I am home from work today, taking my last whimsy day off, before I start my new job on Monday. It is a good thing this job is going to make me a better brighter Bean, because with it all flexibility is gone. No more taking off early and asking for a Friday off on Thursday afternoon. It is going to be me and my headset. Best Friends Forever.

Sorry for the short post today, but the call of the wild, mainly the little Beans, are looking for my undivided attention. Imagine the nerve. LOL.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Bean, dancing in the streets.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I wanna go, oh-oh, to the late night double feature picture show



Happy belated 4th of July to all my America friends. I hope the festivities were fun and fabulous and that no animals were harmed in the making …

My weekend was very nice. It was kid free fun-a-palooza all weekend.

Friday was all about the shopping and watching the kids play up and down the street with their buddies, followed by packing them in the car and driving them to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s for the weekend. From there DH and I headed to the drive-in for a double feature. We saw Click and Bench Warmers. Can you guess which movie was better?

Saturday was all about the camping. I’ve ranted off down that path before, but all I have to say is. Camping is better when you have children to distract you from all the drunken idiots that seem to come into their fullness when you stick them in the bush.

Sunday was all about packing up and then heading back into K-town for night church. When I got back from church DH was so proud that he had set up the TV in the bedroom so we could snuggle and watch movies. I don’t think I need to spell out where that path lead to. Men and their ulterior motives sheesh giggle giggle.

Monday it was all about the picking up of the kids, celebrating the Brother Bean’s birthday and having some fabulous family time.

Which brings us back to do re mi fa so la ti do…..

So I have decided I am going to do this 12 week challenge. I have been playing around with it, but as of Tuesday I have decided to commit. I am doing an Atkins type thing. It is amazing how much better and in control I feel after just one day. Now that is if I can ignore the raging headache that is symptomatic of the sugar withdrawal. But the insane drive to eat really does go away and frankly I eat better when there is no processed foods in my general vicinity, I am not being as restrictive as Dr A would like, but hey he’s dead so what is he going to do about it? I am not willing to give up my apple a day that he claims is the devil’s spawn, but come on people, it’s an apple!

I figure I will do it for two weeks and see what happens. I already feel more in control. I know and have always known that this is the way I should eat, but you know when you favourite foods, ones I would be happy to live off, are cake and sugar, it is tough. But so am I, so bring it on you doughnut renegades, I’m ready with my egg grenades and meat stick.

So I’ll be back Friday with the Week 2 weigh in. Don’t expect miracles, as I spent the weekend stuffing my face, but Week 3 should tell the tale.

Bean, hiding under the bed, hanging with the dust bunnies.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Small steps baby, small steps…


I was reading a Million Little Pieces last night and I am not sure how I feel about the book. The writing style is annoying and there are parts that are hard to believe, not to mention my annoyance with all the controversy and wacky press the book is getting as a result. (Not to mention that every time I see the cover I get an enormous craving for a sprinkle doughnut) However I read the following passage last night and something in it rang true about my food addiction. (Please pardon the language, but I wrote it out as it appears in the book)

Addiction is a decision. An individual wants something, whatever that something is, and makes a decision to get it. Once they have it, they make a decision to take it. If they take it too often, that process of decision making gets out of control, and if it gets too far out of control it becomes and addiction. At that point the decision is a difficult one to make, but it is still a decision. Do I or don’t I. Am I going to take or am I not going to take. Am I going to be a pathetic dumbshit Addict and continue to waste my life or am I going to say no and try to stay sober and be a decent person. It is a decision. Each and every time. A decision. String enough of those decisions together and you set a course and you set a standard of living Addict or human. Genetics do not make that call. They are just an excuse. They allow people to say it wasn’t my fault I am genetically predisposed. It wasn’t my fault I was preprogrammed from day one. It wasn’t my fault I didn’t have any say in the matter. Bullshit. Fuck that bullshit. There is always a decision. Take responsibility for it. Addict or human. It’s a fucking decision, each and every time.

A Million Little Pieces
James Frey
First Anchor Books Edition May 2004

Now I know food addiction is never on the level of substance abuse or alcoholism and I am not trying to say that my problem is bigger, or for that matter, smaller than that of an alcoholic or drug addict, but the principles are the same. Every day I make the same decisions. I make a decision to get the food, I make a decision to eat the food and when my weight is spiralling out of control, it is harder to make the right decisions, because my goal weight sees so unobtainable.

Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying this is not a plea for support or a whine, just a little glimpse into the insights I find into my behaviour. Your mileage may vary.

On a lighter note, I am weighing in early for the 12 week challenge. I got on the scale this morning and it said 269.5. Down 4.5 pounds. Yeah Me. I find it amazing how little steps can make a difference. I could write it off to bloating or water retention, but I am claiming this victory. This is just one small step in my journey. I am glad you are along for the ride. Welcome to all the new commenters. It is nice to have some new faces around. And for my ‘old timers’ I just want you all to know I appreciate every good vibe and all the positive comments you are so faithful to send.

Well I am off tomorrow though until Tuesday to celebrate this great country I live in. How blessed am I to be born in a beautiful, majestic, safe country that knows freedom. I think I sometimes forget how fortunate I am to live in a country when my biggest concern is a number on the scale and not having enough money to drive a brand new car. I forget that I could be living in Cambodia or Africa or any other impoverished country where my worries would would be on a whole new level like where do I sleep and how do I feed my children and keep them from being exploited.


O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Please God, keep our land glorious and free.

Bean, and remain, a proud Canadian.